...will spill the beans about my uncanny parenting methods, my wacky, dysfunctional-but-loving family of origin, how I attempt to balance work, family and self development, and general commentary on life as it happens through the filter of my brain...
1996: My best friends from high school: Aarati, Jenni, (me), and Karen- at the baby shower for Miles
There is a magical time that occurs during the small window of the first 2 or 3 days after giving birth to a baby. If you are lucky (as I have been), when you get home from the hospital, there will be some special person who has sacrificed their time to assist you and your family. I: exhausted, amazed, emotional, and in pain; and my dedicated helper from heaven: ever patient, gentle, kind and giving. It has been during those times that I have experienced some of the best moments of my life.
The beginning: Miles and I
With my first son, Miles, that person was my grandmother. I was 19 and he was delivered by cesarean. My best friend, Aarati, stood in as my birthing partner because his father was away at basic training in Texas. After a grueling labor and surgery, I became a young mother. When we came home, it was my grandmother who carried 3 meals a day, plus snacks and water up and down the steps, and left them on the table by my bed. She was a registered nurse and her round the clock care at home was incredible. No request went un-fulfilled, and no whimper from the baby went un-attended. I had only to heal, hold his tiny, special body and sniff his clean newness.
Grandma and Miles at Christmas
My first daughter, Nyomi was delivered vaginally with no drugs, and by that time I was living in an apartment building with her father and Miles. Two close friends of the family dedicated some time to caring for me during those first few days. Nehirah, who was herself a mother of four, attended the birth as my coach. Along with another friend, Emiyah, they cooked meals, washed and folded laundry, and kept me company. One evening Nehirah brewed an herbal tea that enhances milk production called “Mother’s Milk,” and sweetened it with molasses. To this day, that was the best cup of tea I’ve ever had. It was during those quiet moments that she revealed to me she was pregnant with her fifth child only 6 months after giving birth to her fourth. We shed bittersweet tears of joy and fear together.
2001: Nehirah looks on proudly after coaching me through my first drug-free birth!
Maeva visits Nyomi, Miles and me at the hospital.
The second daughter, Tsifeerah was born very quickly and there was again no time for pain medication. Maeva, who is like a sister to me, came unwillingly to the hospital with us at the last minute, and then took care of me and the other two children in the days while I recovered. She cooked the meals, bathed Nyomi, who was then 2 ½, and drove Miles to and from school every day. I remember the two of us sitting in my room late one night just staring in awe at the infant. She was a glowing angel. Beyond beautiful. She captivated us then and continues to do so now.
2003: Tsifeerah, "the dawning of a new day"
2008: Maeva with Jazmin
Lastly, there was Jazmin. Only her father and I were at the hospital for her birth. However, once again Emiyah stepped in to help, staying at the house to watch all of the other children until we got home. Maeva came to visit at the hospital just as she had with the previous two girls; and then it was my mother who came to the house to help out. Mom took the kids out during the daytime to create the peace and quiet I craved. It was during those first couple of days home that I watched all three installments of The Godfather movies for the first time. In honor of an infamous line from the movie, Jazmin’s father went out and bought me some fresh cannoli’s! (See video clip below)
Emiyah and Jazmin
Mom with her fourth grandchild
Daddy with baby, watching The Godfather
2011: With my first nephew, little Mikey
Last summer I had the honor of paying forward this priceless favor when my brother and his wife gave birth to their first son. I couldn’t wait to create special memories for my sister-in-law just as so many others had done for me. There is definitely something mystical about a newborn baby and the mother who has just carried this new life into the world. There is nothing else like it, and I can only be grateful that I have been able to experience these moments myself and with others so many times. These are among my most cherished memories and I will never forget them or those who helped to create them.
Best Friends Forever: the next generation!- Aarati, Asha, Jazmin and me.
