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One of my earliest and most vivid memories is of being in first grade and taking my first standardized test at school. It was the CTBS test and the year would have been 1982. I remember learning how to fill in all the bubbles for the letters in my name, my age, my gender, and then… my race? Well that really got my juices flowing because I was confused. The teacher was instructing us to only fill in ONE bubble. Black, White, Asian or Other. I guess before then, I never really knew I had to choose a race. I knew my mother was considered Black, my father, White. But what did that make me? I hadn’t a clue. I raised my hand. I asked the teacher. Her reply was something akin to: “Well you look white to me, but what are your parents?” Needless to say, that conversation didn’t help much. After much deliberation, and not wanting to offend neither my mother or father, I decided on “Other.” But I had a huge problem with being labeled an other.
(Please take a listen to this wonderful speech by Thandie Newton on “Embracing Otherness”)
Recently an article was published featuring a couple with a child who they are attempting to raise without gender identification. While I am an advocate of living without labels, this was a new concept for me. So I thought I would work through my thoughts here.
So here’s the deal: a couple has a child and does not reveal the sex of the child to anyone outside of the immediate family. The child has a unisex name, in one case “Sasha” in the other, “Storm;” and is allowed to choose his or her own style of clothing and toys regardless of whether the items are designed for “boys” or “girls.” (Even writing this article will be challenging as there is no unisex pronoun aside from “it” in the English language. There was one used in Marge Piercy’s 1976 novel, Woman on the Edge of Time: "per" -short for person- I guess. I will henceforth use per instead of him or her or he or she…ok?)
So anyway, the child, of course is perfectly fine with all of this since per is a part of a loving and supportive family. Who really cares what color undies per wears? However, the couple ran into a snag at age five when they enrolled the child in public school. In Sasha’s case, the parents revealed per’s sex, which is male, and submitted to the school rules about uniforms. Sasha is not permitted to wear skirts to school, however per may choose between polo style shirts or the lacy butterfly collared shirts traditionally worn by girls.
One interesting point I found in Sasha’s story was that per was allowed to choose any hand-me-down clothing per wanted whether from per’s older sister or brother, however, “hyper-masculine” clothing, such as skulls and crossbones is off limits. Sasha was photographed at some point wearing a pink shimmery bathing suit which kind of strikes me as “hyper-feminine” no? Also, Barbie is off limits in Sasha’s household (see earlier blog entry for my thoughts on that!).
Dr Daragh McDermott, a psychology lecturer at Anglia Ruskin University, said the effect of raising a gender neutral child is not yet known (*see footnote for work cited):
"It's hard to say whether being raised gender-neutral will have any immediate or long-term psychological consequences for a child, purely because to date there is little empirical research examining this topic. That being said, the family setting is only one source of gender-specific information and as children grow, their self-identity as male, female or gender-neutral will be influenced by school, socialisation with other children and adults, as well as mass media. As a child grows they develop their own independent sense of self that will include their own individual gender identification."
So what do I make of all of this? Well… as I mentioned, I hate labels. And choosing male or female as gender identification is yet another classification that comes with limitations. While we humans are not able to select our own sex upon conception, we are allowed to choose our behaviors. And most of us are taught and continue to choose to behave in the way society dictates is acceptable according to whatever age-old tradition applies in the part of the world we are born.
Here I am, living in 21st Century United States. A place with a government that states it will defend equal rights for all. Yet we all know and feel that blanket clause does not apply in every situation. If it did, why would there have been a need for women’s suffrage, civil rights, and now LGBTQ rights? If the constitution says equal rights it should be just that… right?
Right. In theory. But I have thought about it as much as my little brain can carry out that thought and in the end, the problem is not the constitution at all. The problem is (in part) the human need to categorize and classify things. A need which I suspect stems from an even deeper need to control our environment. Why do we have that need? Is it a learned behavior? Do we see similar patterns in other animal species?
Gender stereotyping can get tricky, because I think out of all the categories this is the one that actually has a biological base. There are different sexes. That really cannot be avoided. Yes, I am aware there are hermaphroditic people and organisms, but for the most part, people have a definitive biological sexual classification which we call “male” or “female.” Of course there are issues with those labels since the word “female” seems to be a derivative of “male,” (Which could be based on the Biblical creation story in which man is created first, and woman only as an appendix, or whatever?).
From what I know, the biggest biological difference between xx and xy chromosomed beings is what role they play in reproduction. The women house the eggs and produce the young in utero, the men fertilize. Maybe in the future science will find a way to change all that, setting off an explosion of gender-bending reclassifications and legislations. However, for now we are stuck with that difference between us.
It seems that over the years on this planet, we have used this slight difference to create a giant chasm between the sexes. Think about it. Is it really necessary? Everything is separate. Public restrooms, clothing departments, hair styles, home decor and colors have a gender, music, television shows, movies, food. I was appalled that Dr. Pepper created a soda marketed for men only.
This has led to differences in wages, careers are segregated, and let’s not even get into division of labor in the household! But why? Why? Why? And what is my point?
My point is, that there is really no benefit to these labels as they only cause confusion when someone wants to do something and they are forced to go up against a society that thinks it is “weird” for a boy to like pink or a girl to drive race cars. It’s just stupid right? And we should stop it. One at a time.
Race, class, sexual orientation, religions, and political parties do not exist biologically, and were social constructs created as systems of control. If we rebel against them, we would need to think seriously about what the world would be like, as you can never take something away without replacing it. As much as I hate labels and restrictions, I have not yet envisioned what life would be like without them. Can you imagine a life without labels? If you can, please share your thoughts with me!
Links to articles:
*Quote from the following article: "It's a boy!"...
(Battle, Bella. "It's a boy! Couple reveal sex of their 'gender neutral' kid after five years." 21 Jan 2012. www.thesun.co.uk)
(Battle, Bella. "It's a boy! Couple reveal sex of their 'gender neutral' kid after five years." 21 Jan 2012. www.thesun.co.uk)
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